


Goodbye (and Hello)

by die_wiederkehr



Series: Gifts of Silver Light [25]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works
Genre: Celebrían sailing West, F/M, Gen, Pretty sad, pointy eared life ruiners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2256090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/die_wiederkehr/pseuds/die_wiederkehr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Celebrían's last days in Middle Earth and her arrival in Aman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye (and Hello)

The trip felt too long. Too long and yet, at the same time, too short. 

Celebrían leaned heavily against her husband, cloak wrapped tightly around her. There were shadows beneath her eyes and she was exhausted, another night of terrors keeping her from getting any real rest. His arm snaked around her and she sighed softly, his fingers lightly rubbing her shoulder as he tried to help her to relax.  
  
"Won't you come with me? Please?" It wasn't the first time she'd asked and it wouldn't be the last. Elrond could feel his heart clench painfully. She knew the answer but she had to ask, had to keep herself from feeling as if she was giving up too easily. But the bone deep exhaustion, the nightmares, loud sounds, everything seemed to remind her of the orcs and the caves and wounds inflicted on her. And then she would begin to tremble, Elrond or her mother or father would have to wrap their arms around her in an effort to calm her.  
  
She would weep when her parents were near, knowing she would never see them again if she went. And how could anyone bear that pain on top of everything else she had endured? The world around her seemed to be falling to pieces and she couldn't put them back together. Couldn’t even think of how to or if it was possible. Not in any recognizable shape and not on her own. Still, Celebrían didn't want to go, didn't want to leave her parents or her husband and children. Her family that continued, even now, to try to help her.  
  
The day they had suggested that she sail, she had nearly shattered again right in front of them. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she looked at them as if she'd been slapped, confused and hurt and almost angry but she didn't have the energy to be angry. Not anymore.  
  
"S-sail?" She looked between them, confused. She understood the words but a part of her refused to comprehend them. Or couldn't. "I can get better... I _am_ trying."  
  
It had hurt them, she could see it in their eyes, to hear her say that and knowing that it was almost too late, seeing her try so hard to fight it all. To stay in one piece or to appear to stay in one piece for them.  
  
"Darling, we have tried everything. You know that we have, the days I spent tearing through the library. You know that we would not suggest it if we thought there was any other way. If there was any way to keep you here with us." She began to shake, miserable, as Elrond spoke and tears continued down her cheeks. How could she think about going? About leaving them behind? How could they even suggest it to her when they had been what had kept her together so far.  
  
The thought of not seeing them when she woke up or being able to curl up against her husband, it felt like all the air had rushed out of her lungs. She dropped to her knees, head down and tried not to sob.  
  
"And so you would send me away instead. Have I worn on you all so that you would have me leave? "  
  
In an instant, Galadriel was at her side, her own eyes damp with tears she wouldn't, couldn't, shed and she pulled her daughter into her arms. She held her close, the same way she had when Celebrían was a child, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  
  
"No- no! Oh, sweetheart, that's not what we want at all. You know we wouldn't suggest it if we thought there were any other way." She still refused to shed any tears.  
  
"They why? There must be... something..." Her voice, her whole being, seemed to shrink towards the end. What could they tell her that they hadn't already? Galadriel could only hold her daughter close, try to tell her in gestures what she couldn't in words.  
  
And now Celebrían, Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn traveled to the Havens. The children had remained home, the thought of saying goodbye to their mother too painful. She said her goodbyes in Imladris, her children curled up on her bed with her where she had been most comfortable. Celebrían's parents and husband couldn't bear to see her leave without seeing her off and reminding her just how much they loved her. 

And each day they spent traveling was a day where they watched her grow still weaker but stubbornly hold on.  
  
Each night when they made camp, Celebrían curled up against her family. Most often her father would sing her a lullaby to help her sleep, for how little she got those days but he was the only one who could help her sleep much of the time. And then they would all take turns, keeping her company during the night until she woke again or the nightmares came and overwhelmed her. It wore on them all but it wore on her most of all. The trip seemed to exhaust her more than all the time they'd spent trying to help her but she held on. She surprised them in that.  
  
The ship was ready when they arrived. There wasn't much for her to take: clothes, some of her favorite books, a few trinkets, reminders of her family. All easy to put safely on board for her.  
  
Just before boarding, Galadriel embraced her daughter again. Celebrían held tightly to her, crying again and whispering (begging) to let her stay instead.  
  
"I have something for you, my darling." Galadriel spoke softly, slipping a pin into her hair. It fit neatly into what was left of it all, a blue and silver pin fitting neatly and adding to her daughters’ beauty. In the time they'd cared for her, its color and softness had almost completely returned. All that was left was the length and that would come.  
  
 _'Not where I might see though.'_ Her mother thought sadly, brushing a hand through it and adjusting the pin.  
  
"Keep it with you. So you will always have a little piece of me but I will _always_ be with you." Now her voice trembled, it was impossible to stop it. This would be the last time she could hold her daughter, speak with her. She had to treasure this moment, and remember her daughter as the bright young woman she’d always been. Remember her bright light and the way her eyes would light up when she was happy, how her laughter sounded and how she’d always been happy to lean against them or let her play with her hair. 

And then she handed her a letter, sealed and asked her to give it to her family when she arrived.

She held tightly to her father after. Nothing stopped him from going with her except that she knew he would never leave her mother. And she would never ask it. She couldn’t bear the thought that she was leaving herself. 

Celeborn ran a hand through his daughters’ hair, holding her as long as he could and speaking lightly to her. Reminding her that he loved her, that they all did, that this was the best thing for her. And that no matter what they’d never stop loving her. 

“I love you, little fawn. Say hello to everyone for us when you arrive.” 

And then she came to her husband and she sobbed and refused to let go, begging him to go with her and begging him to let her stay. They sat together briefly, Elrond pulling her to sit on his lap and her head tucked under his chin as he brushed a hand through her curls. 

She had to go though, every moment she stayed was a moment closer to them losing her in the cruelest way any of them could imagine. He could savor her being in his arms just a little bit longer though. Just a little while. His kind and beautiful wife who had always given everything she could in everything she did, who had never hurt a soul. 

It hurt him to know that it would be some time before he could hold her like that again. He knew though that he would never let her go again when they were reunited. 

She almost didn’t board the ship, torn between her desire to remain in Middle Earth with her family and her exhaustion, it made it difficult. She did though but not without help and not without more tears. And she didn’t leave the deck, even as Middle Earth vanished behind them. Celebrían continued to watch, to stare back in the hopes of it somehow being a trick of her mind. That she’d wake up soon enough and be home in bed and curled up against her husband. 

The trip felt too long. Too long and yet, at the same time, too short. 

Celebrían slept much of the time. The journey was smooth but looking out at the Sea made her heart ache and remind her of things left behind. The people left behind. She had no idea of the things and people she would meet. She only had stories. Stories weren’t enough to make her entirely comfortable with the moment she would have to step off the ship. If she could go back to Middle Earth, she would. She would avoid the terror that came with meeting people, family, that she didn’t know and wasn’t comfortable with in the way she was with her husband and parents. 

There were people waiting when the ship docked, a celebration it looked like. Many had a light to them like her mother did and, briefly, she was curious about them and wanted to draw closer as she was helped off the ship but they were strangers to her and moved too quickly. She couldn't help it when she flinched away from them. There was no way of knowing how they would act around her or how they were in general. Quietly they guided her away from the crowds, careful not to crowd her themselves. 

Her grandparents. It didn’t take much for her to guess at it or for it to be confirmed. Between the two of them, she could see the resemblance they had to her mother. Arafinwë’s golden hair and the waves of Eärwen’s. 

They took her home and gave her a room. One they knew she would be comfortable in and would, they hoped, bring her some comfort. Artanis’ room. Left exactly the way she had left it. Fresh tears spilled at the knowledge and she almost didn’t want to go in. The walk from the harbor to there though had worn on her and she at least sat on the edge of the bed. 

As she settled, Eärwen almost immediately noticed the pin in her granddaughters’ hair. It was hard not to. 

“I gave that to Artanis many years ago.” The comment was said so lightly, trying to comfort the young woman. The young woman that was their grandchild. “I never imagined I would see it again in this way. Or that we would meet you.” 

Artanis wouldn’t have given the pin to anyone but her child. And knowing that they were being parted, it was no wonder that she would have given it to her. And Celebrían didn’t answer. Her sorrow was still so great that it wrapped around her almost physically. It made them wonder how they would help her get through it and begin to recover. 

She didn’t speak much with them and they didn’t force their company on her long or often in the earliest days but made sure she was cared for. She gave them her mother’s letter, watched tears prick at the corner of their eyes and she wondered what her mother had written. 

They quickly endeared themselves to her though. Arafinwë more so than Eärwen and more quickly, the Noldorin king reminding her a great deal of her mother when he would sing for her near her room. He brought her out first, helped her open up again and for her light to shine through the cracks. She was most comfortable with him over others. 

Eärwen told Celebrían of some of the mischief her mother had caused as a child, of the songs they had taught her that she’d passed on to Celebrían. Much of it was hard for her to understand, at least in the beginning, having spoken Sindarin much of her life and knowing only a little Quenya from those very songs she’d learned. 

She did learn though and, with her grandparents’ gentle guidance and their love, as well as Arafinwë’s creative methods, her light began to shine again. And they started to meet the real Celebrían.


End file.
